Both Sides Now

And there’s Joni Mitchell, singing the same song she wrote at 23, but now coming to it with the breadth of experience, age, and wisdom. Good lord, it’s powerful.

I didn't watch the Grammy's but I heard that Joni Mitchell sang "Both Sides Now" at the event at age 80, her first time performing there. It reminded me of the video I'd seen last year of Mitchell's first time performing on stage in 20 years. And I’ve since watched it again and listened to the song at least a dozen times—never without crying.

Look at everyone in the video. They are present. They are moved. Even the other singers are crying. They are feeling into the depth of the words and their meaning. (And that cellist—what soul!) And there’s Joni, singing the same song she wrote at 23, but now coming to it with the breadth of experience, age, and wisdom. Good lord, it’s powerful.

Other than it being such a tender, beautiful, poignant song, I think it’s the humility that gets me to tears each time, the humility to say that even after we’ve looked at something from various angles, from “both sides” that we still don’t really know it at all. That we still have no idea what’s really going on in this wild experience we find ourselves in—and there’s something oddly comforting about acknowledging that, about letting it rest there—in the not knowing.

On an Awakin circle last night—(these are bi-weekly circles of meditation and reflection sharing I help host) my dear friend, singer, and author Lewis Elbinger made a powerful comment about the deeper message of Joni’s song. He said, “The point of life is to move from polarity to Oneness.”

This is it. I absolutely resonate with this idea. So often, like the song, I get caught up in binaries, in polarities, good vs. evil, peace vs. war, love vs. hate, abundance vs. scarcity, beauty vs. ugliness. There’s no gray area there, no in between, and no wholeness. Just one or the other—and I’m always trying to cling to the good and deny the evil.

But Joni’s ending the song on not knowing hints at the infinity of possibilities that lies beyond the limiting twin boxes of polarity—and hints at the Oneness Lewis pointed to. Imagine the incomprehensible vastness of Oneness, like space, that could never be reduced down to merely two options—good and its opposite, bad, life and its opposite, death. Maybe instead of “both sides now” I’ll imagine in my head that the song is pointing to “no sides at all”.

Here are the lyrics of Joni’s song and the incredible live performance at the Newport Folk Festival:

Both Sides Now

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all